Do you want to know a secret? I still don’t eat as well, sleep as well, or treat my body as well as I should. I feel a little shameful saying that, because God has brought me so far in my healing journey and I feel like I’m not showin him the gratitude I should for my healing. But, I also want to acknowledge–and LET Y’ALL KNOW TOO–that SMALL steps are STILL steps! I am SO PROUD of myself! I am finally at the point in my life where I can say “you know, I was good yesterday, instead of eating when my sister told me my grandma was sick in the hospital, I went for a run. I resisted the urge to eat emotionally, I didn’t go to the store and buy anything, I drank tons of water, I got my work done and I didn’t “word vomit” on anyone. I also did this, this and this….” whatever it was. All I know is I’ve been very very angry lately. I just try to remember how I’ve successfully channeled that anger in the past, and what makes me who I am. What makes me feel good about myself is giving. I love to make people smile. I love to help in any way that I can. I love to feel wanted, appreciated, perhaps even loved and needed. I love to do things for others that I’d love for myself, and of course there have been people doing good things for me, but usually it’s a one time I meet someone, they’re good to me and I never see them again. I don’t want to lose someone I think is like me, but I supposed I never have and never will. God puts those around me that are supposed to be and the ones that stay around, or come around in the first place are the ones who actually want to be there. I love people and that is never going to change. I don’t care if someone does think they’re using me when I do something nice, I know the truth. Also, that’s not my business, it’s between them and God. My business and doing unto others, and going the extra mile to help–empowering people to love themselves, and prayerfully know the Lord one day.
I want to show you all what discipline looks like. If I don’t discipline myself, I will never become the billionaire I say I will and if that doesn’t happen, how will I do all the things I want to do to help the world? I want to start college funds for people and I want to set examples for kids and give them more constructive things to do. There’s actually so much more I wanna do, but you would never be able to read it all in one sitting! I love y’all so just know that is why I do everything I do! THANK YOU!